The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
