You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
