Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
