She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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