is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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