I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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