buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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