ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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