you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
