Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
