I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
