Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
