i just made my gag reflex go away.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
