So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
