I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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