Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Who wears a wallet chain?!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
