Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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