my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
