woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
