i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
