before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
