All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
