just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
