Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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