Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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