mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
