Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is wine microwaveable?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
