someone get that fucking seahorse.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
