the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
