Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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