just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
