Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
