I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
