You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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