Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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