Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dignity is for republicans.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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