there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
