You work out of a Hotel?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
