The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
