the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
