Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Randomize
