This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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