Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
