Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
