I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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