You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
