Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
