sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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