i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize