No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
