it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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