First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
