Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just pee around me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
