is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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