I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
