Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This baby is an asshole
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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