I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
