im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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